WHEN he arrived in Newcastle from Taree in 1994, all 16-year-old Danny Buderus wanted to do was make the Knights' under 17s.
Fourteen years, 220 NRL games, 24 Tests, 21 State of Origins, and countless junior, lower-grade and other representative matches later, Buderus formally announced the end of his Knights career yesterday.
An MRI scan had confirmed he had ruptured the biceps tendon in his right arm in the final minutes of Newcastle's 38-24 victory over North Queensland at EnergyAustralia Stadium two nights earlier.
He will undergo surgery next week, and a clean-up operation on a troublesome knee injury, but hopes to make his Super League debut for Leeds within six months.
In the presence of many of his teammates, and in the same EAS function room where fellow Knights legends Andrew Johns and Paul Harragon bid their farewells, Buderus was emotional at a packed media conference but did not cry.
The 30-year-old NSW and former Australian captain spent Sunday coming to terms with the fact he had made his final appearance in Newcastle colours something he had hoped to do on his own terms in the last home game of the season against Melbourne on Saturday.
That would have been in front of former teammates on the club's traditional Old Boys Day, but instead, he will be inducted into their ranks and cheer for the Knights from the sidelines.
Buderus said the abrupt ending to his Newcastle career was unfair, but he had no complaints.
"I've lived every boy's dream, I guess, to play, but I didn't get the fairytale I suppose," Buderus said.
"But I've lived something through a professional sport, something I set out to do as a young kid, and I ticked a few boxes along the way so I'm very happy to have achieved that, especially at this place, Newcastle a one-team town.
"It's such a huge part of my life."
Buderus played halfback and other backline positions early in his career, but seeing no future behind Andrew Johns he converted to hooker, formed a lethal partnership with Johns, and established himself as one of the best dummy-half forwards in the game's 100-year history.
The 2004 Dally M Medallist hoped his relentless work ethic and attention to detail would rub off on his now former teammates so they could experience the elation of winning a premiership with the Knights, as he did in 2001.
"We've come through a pretty hard time over the last two years, when a lot of things were said about this club, and it hurts," he said.
"But . . . this place, there's no better team to play for when the town's really behind it . . . and I'd give anything for the guys to be in a grand final and realise how much this town means, and how much the football team means to this town.
"To do that, it's hard work, and that's the one thing I've always tried to instil in them.
"I'm not the quickest, I'm not the strongest, but I'd like to think I'm right up there in competitiveness.
"If I've left a little bit of that in the boys, then I'm pretty happy to say I've done that."
Buderus said he felt his biceps tear while throwing "an under-sevens pass" to Chris Bailey late in the game against the Cowboys, "then I had a tackle and it hurt again, like a cork, then I passed another ball and it just snapped".
"I copped a couple of knocks there and when it did actually go, I knew I was in a bit of strife," he said.
"Then I walked across to the sideline and you can't put your hand up and say 'see you later' because it was a bit early to do that, but I nearly felt like doing that because I knew I couldn't play next week.
"It was tough at the start of the process, realising that's it, and very emotional, and to have the boys here today, that's great. That's what the club's all about and that's the thing I'm going to miss, obviously not playing with those teammates and finishing up like this.
"But I know the good times have heavily outweighed the low times here for myself, and this club, I'll be forever indebted to, and the game, so hopefully one day I can put a little bit back into the game and this club."
Buderus, who will miss Australia's World Cup campaign in October and November, said he never contemplated retiring and, though he will miss the start of next season, he was looking forward to starting his two-year contract with Leeds.
"It's not fair but sometimes things aren't fair, and I've been blessed to have done a lot of things in this game I probably never set out to do," he said.
"I won a premiership, captained this great club, and that's something I hope everyone at the back of the room aspires to do. I know the red-and-blue jumper will be worn with pride over the years, and that's all I've tried to instil in this place and into the boys at the back.
"It's tough to say goodbye. Actions are easier than trying to speak . . . Hard work is easier than trying to think up something smart to say, so that's hopefully the mentality the boys have got as well."
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